Elucidation
by bobonbon
Summary: Sanji Blackleg whom once was a famous writer passed away. He leaves a memorable journal of his younger days to his grandson. The boy discovers his grandfather's past as well as his interactions with a boy named Zoro.
1. Chapter 1: Introduction of the journal

"Sanji Blackleg, my husband, he was one of the greatest poets who had ever lived and it was one of the many reasons why I fell in love with this man. His stories touched many hearts including mine. Some were adventurous, some were romantic, and some got into the depths of human nature. I know not of anyone who could touch so many various subjects in one lifetime. Not only was he one of the greatest authors, he had also been one of the best chefs. As a teenager, he won numerous amounts of competitions and earned respects of many world-renowned cooks. It still amazes me how that man chose me out of all the women out there."His grandmother continued her speech of his legendary grandfather who had brought the media even to his own funeral.

And when she finished, everyone enthusiastically clapped in response even though most attending this funeral had never even spoken a word to his grandfather. Even fewer knew Sanji Blackleg personally. Most were merely here to say how his books have turned their lives around and that he had somehow saved them.

It was absolutely idiotic. Sure he had never personally read any of his grandfather's novels but how could a book be life changing? It was just some plot line, possibly with some morals behind it. But no one really based their principles after these morals.

A variety of people shook his hand and apologized for his loss. He simply nodded and forged a poignant appearance until they left.

His family members were sniffling and falling apart but he was somehow able tell that those dribbling liquids down their cheeks were crocodile tears. He knew that everyone, except for perhaps his grandmother, were truthfully joyful over his grandfather's death.

Sanji Blackleg had been notorious around the world after all. His novels were constantly best sellers and his philosophies were adopted by many professors. He had produced a large amount of wealth in his lifetime, money that many desired and required, counting his family members. It was disgusting how they struggled and fought one another for someone else's hard earned cash.

Since the media was here, he had to appear sophisticated. He even spoke in front of the crowd of the memories he shared with his grandfather. Most of these memories were either extremely stretched or exaggerated since he truly couldn't recall not even a full conversation shared with Sanji Blackleg. Their relationship had been faint. If strings represented human relations with each other, theirs had been almost nonexistent. So feeble that it could break at any moment.

The rest of the funeral carried on eventfully and after many hours, the media left. People who had been merely fans of his grandfather's work disappeared. Only he and the rest of his family remained but only to be perceived as devastated people who had just experience great tragedy when clandestinely, they had not.

Other than his family and him, one other person remained. A man he had never seen before. He appeared about the same age as his grandfather before his passing away but elderly wasn't what he would've exactly depicted the man as. This man possessed green hair and wore three jingling gold earrings. Delinquency was a better word for this strange man despite his age. The green haired chap held a sad expression which surfaced very indistinctly on his defined features. That grief unexpectedly seemed authentic and genuine, contrasting everyone else's he had seen this whole day. It seemed that this mysterious fellow was legitimately grief-stricken over his grandfather's death.

He silently wondered what his associations with Sanji were.

The man vanished right after the black coffin, dark as the solemn night, which held his grandfather's form disappeared underneath the ground. It seems that no one other than himself noticed the presence or disappearance of that peculiar man.

The boy who was Sanji Blackleg's grandson rode in the backseat of his father's car silently. Weary of the day's events. He despised faking a smile and he loathed seeing others do the same. How his grandfather did this his whole entire life was a damn mystery.

And that night, Sanji's trusted lawyer entered their resident, holding information that many of his family members urgently sought after, even his parents, all except for his grandmother who had not even bothered to exit her room. The lawyer was one of Sanji's dear childhood friends named Robin. Regardless of her actual age, she seemed about twenty years younger but thirty years wiser.

"Mr. Blackleg wrote his will knowing his time was limited. He had lived his life as a wise man and his inheritance to you all has a specific meaning behind them. Therefore, please do reflect carefu-"

"Get on with it already!" His father's booming voice interrupted the raven haired woman whom gave him the coldest stare in response. The boy's stomach crumpled from a sudden indescribable terror. Seeing those terribly icy eyes brought prickly sensations to befall into the room.

Robin continued after concealing her obvious resentment for her diseased friend's family. She held a white paper in between her fingers and read the content out loud, "For my dear wife, I leave her the house we have lived in together for our whole entire marriage. For my far off relatives, I leave them one object they desire from my collections. As for my son-in-law and my daughter, I leave them my library for it holds worldwide intelligence, I wish for them to learn from the books I have left them. That is all, I expect for the money in my bank to be donated to all the starving people worldwide. I cannot bear to leave any famine to infest this society." At the end of her sentence, a tiny smirk played out at the corners of her lips, evidently pleased by Sanji's decisions.

His father furiously slammed their granite marble table with his fists and his mother endeavored to calm him down, but he discarded her to the side as he yelled stridently towards Robin. "YOU LITTLE WITCH, I KNOW THERE IS MORE. YOU'RE LYING, WHERE IS OUR ACTUAL INHERITANCE? WHERE IS OUR MONEY?"

Even though his father was screaming in her direction at the top of his lungs, the raven haired woman did not even flinch in response. She merely sighed tiredly and said, "That is all, excuse me, I have to use the bathroom before I leave." She excused herself and headed towards the hallway, and on the way, she lightly tapped on the boy's shoulders.

He raised one of his curled eyebrows, one of the many traits he received from his grandfather, as he tagged along with Robin. No one noticed of his absence since they were all occupied yelling among themselves, clearly infuriated by the fact that his infamous grandfather left them with no money.

"Boy, Sanji left you something too you know." The mature woman enlightens him with a lighter tone than she used in the living room in front of his relatives. He perks up after hearing those words. What could it be? He wonders silently. Robin pulls out a worn out leather covered paperback that seems much more like a journal, draped in shabby brown straps to maintain its enclosure. "It's his journal. He carefully picked out the most important recollections of his memories and fastened the pages together himself. He wanted you to have it. I believe there's a letter specifically for you in there too." She smiles benevolently and wanders away.

His father was severally stricter tonight, finding ways to vent his anger out. Even going far as to lay his hands on his mother whom cried in result the rest of the night. The resentment that existed in this household made him sick to his stomach.

The following morning gave him the perfect chance to stretch his feet out in the balcony, midst of striking and vibrant flowers. He had comfortably adjusted to the shape of his chair and cautiously removed the brown straps that were barely holding the book sealed. Instantly, a small folded letter fell to his feet.

Inquisitiveness grasped his mentality almost immediately. He desired to feed that huger of curiosity his brain desperately craved for.

_I'm so sorry. Sorry to have burdened you with this book. In all honesty, it's your choice at the end whether to continue through these pages or whatnot. I know that you've never really caught the significance of reading nor the fascination of it. Follow your own judgment and trust your mentality, although, I do not wish for you to undergo that heavy pressure._

_This book holds many momentous reminiscences that have inconveniently encumbered me after all these years. I must warn you, knowledge can alter and wisdom can amend a person's character. Once you get into the depth of my past, you will inadvertently study from my mistakes and I do hope you do so. _

_You must be wondering 'why me?' Yes, I was rather unsure in the beginning as well. I didn't know if you were too adolescent to apprehend or too old enough to judge blindly. It was a difficult decision but I knew it couldn't be anyone else. _

_My amiable wife whom I've wounded a great deal already did not require further pain and my daughter whose mind has been filtrated too much of that damn bastard of a husband of hers, I felt that I could not rely on her either._

_So I entrust my past in your hands. All I ask of you is to understand but if you must reject my wish, please do so by burning this book. Eradicate the content and don't converse with others of this matter. _

_My boy, you must also know that the only reason I've never directly communicated with you formerly was because I've always hoped to keep you away from my persistent fame. Even though the majority of society aspires for success and recognition, it is not so grand after experiencing the disgusting sides to it. My daughter as well as your mother once had an immense passion for acting. She attempted the use of my name in a sorry effort and when I refused to lend her a hand, she eloped with that sad excuse of a man whom is currently your father. _

_Keep a close eye on him for I no longer have the power to do so. I apologize for the neglect and the cold shoulders after all these years. But even from afar, I was able to tell that you've grown into a fine young man.__I'm so proud of you._

His thumb scratched the spot underneath his jaw line as he uneasily placed the letter forth on top of his small round coffee table. Then he placed his earl grey tea to his lips, sipping leisurely as he inhaled the refreshing scent of soft citrus. He had to admit that enjoying a cup of tea, surrounded by vivid flowers, underneath the golden sun was quite the beauty of life.

The tattered book in his hands felt heavier than before. By knowing the true worth of attaining this knowledge, he was able to feel the actual weight of his grandfather's inheritance.

According to this letter, Sanji Blackleg entrusted him with a priceless fraction of his past. It somewhat unnerved him. If this was that much of importance, why did his grandfather just hand it to him? They had scarcely even shared a word with the one other unless it was necessary.

The letter had explained that it was because Sanji had no other choice and it caused the boy to wonder why it was so essential to pass it down at all.

His fingers fiddled with the fragile, old pages, as his eyes hastily scammed its contents.

* * *

**3/2-Dear Diary,**

For fucks sakes, I have no idea why I'm writing right now. I mean, I do love to write as much as I love to cook but keeping track of my life seems kind of pointless. Zeff told me it was good practice and even though that old man doesn't know shit, I've decided to do it anyways because why the hell not?

So I'm supposed to talk about my daily routines and unusual things that happened in my life right? Well, today was my birthday and it was pretty shitty. Zeff threw me this shitty party and most of my friends came. Don't get me wrong, that part was actually pretty nice but Usopp brought this dumb looking guy named Zoro and he shittily ruined my birthday. Is that even a word? Shittily. It sounds funny so I'll just keep it.

This Zoro guy, who I now call marimo because of his green hair, severally injured my pride. Therefore, I feel pretty crappy tonight.

I insisted others to bring some girls and they did but only two of them, Robin and Nami, it was completely fine because both of them were lovely. They were very pretty and had _really_ nice bodies, so I really liked them. They laughed like angels and the one called Nami even hit me few times. It was wonderful!

But that stupid moss guy interrupted me when I was flirting with my sweet flowers and even picked a fight which I couldn't resist. He made fun of my eyebrows! I mean it was my birthday, that guy should have had some damn respect. He just kept on insisting until I kicked him in the stomach where I knew it would hurt because Zeff kicked me in the same place countless amounts of times.

He punched me back then I kicked him again and it was just this non-stopping cycle until both of us were thrown out by my shitty old man.

Who kicks out the birthday boy? It was completely Zoro's fault anyways, he should have been the only one kicked out.

I already hate him. He is like this unwanted ingredient in my recipe.

Thinking about this makes me angry all over again. I'm going to sleep soon. I really don't want to go to school tomorrow but I know I have to or else Zeff might beat the shit out of me again.

Shitty old man and marimo, I hate both of them.

* * *

He frowned upon the content laid out in front of him and contemplated if this was truly written by his grandfather. It undoubtedly sounded like a complete stranger. The boy in the papers sounded as if the world was about to end for him or he was having some type of a midlife crisis. Unnecessarily dramatizing miniature circumstances. He was so completely amateur and free of any realistic worries, it evidently demonstrated how young Sanji Blackleg used to be.

Even though the topic was rather intriguing to some extent, it still did not answer his previous question. How was this significant? Robin had informed formerly that every gift his grandfather left behind had a specific value.

The rationale behind his parents' gifts was fairly straight forwarded and frank, he purely wished for the two to attain more universal knowledge, something they perceptibly lacked. For his grandmother, the boy deduced that it was because Sanji did not wish his wife to become homeless. As for the rest of his relatives, Sanji most likely wanted them to make an intellectual assessment knowing they merely had a single chance.

The lone inquiry he wasn't clever enough to figure was the one that related to him the most.

"Ms. Sana, please refill my tea pot," he pleasantly requested of the nearby maid with a charming voice that he had mastered after all these years. The crinkle of his eyes gave the impression that he was smiling when in actuality, he truly was not.

The cocoa skinned woman gladly took the task, "Of course Mr. Blackleg." She grinned to herself as she hurried to the kitchen, eager to satisfy the boy's requests whom had just wrongly acted in order to fulfill his cravings.

He poured more tea for himself then proceeded in reading.

**AN: **I've actually held this idea for quite awhile but I never knew how to project the plot line until now. I thought it was a great chance seeing how I'm almost finished with 'what are the chances.' Compared to that one, I feel as if this story is much more advanced in plot wise and wording wise. Hopefully, I will continue improving. So Elucidation won't specifically have a central character, maybe the grandson. It will somewhat have a chronological plot. Emotions will be one sided seeing how the grandson only holds Sanji's journal and certain things will be vague especially at the beginning. Sanji will probably contradict himself repeatedly and sometimes confuse you(readers). I purposely created an immature tone with the commencement of the journal to develop characterization. This is my first time attempting something like this so if it fails, I apologize from the very beginning.


	2. Chapter 2: Age fourteen

**3/3-Dear Diary,**

If there is a God, he must hate me because everything goes wrong in my life.

That stupid Zoro kid transferred into my classroom. He really pisses me off. I picked a fight with him but only because he commented on my eyebrows while passing by me.

What's so wrong about my eyebrows anyways? They're just curly. It attracted some girls in the past and most commented on how unique they were. I'm proud of my special feature. You know what I think? I think that mosshead is just jealous. The only special thing he has is his green hair and that looks nasty.

We somehow ended up fighting _again_. We are like two opposite magnets because we really don't like being near each other.

When I came back home, Zeff didn't let me cook because he said that I should take care of my body more. I'm so sick and tired of him treating me like I'm a child. When did he ever care about me anyways?

One good thing happened today though. I found a girl who I like. Her name is Ann and she has a really nice smile. She was like the sunshine to my day.

**3/27-Dear Diary**

I still dislike that mossball but since all my friends like him I got used to his company.

He's pretty useful since he's kind of stupid. I can control him at times, like when I ask him to do something, he actually does it. I kind of hint it like "Marimo that pencil below you, give me."

Okay, maybe not so much mind controlling but I refuse to admit that he is _actually_ nice.

**4/19-Dear Diary**

Guess who's the man? I'm the man. I officially have a girlfriend!

I can't stop thinking about Ann. Her blush is so cute, her hair is so cute, and her eyes are so cute. I just love everything about her. She's so nice and amazing. I want to show her off to everyone because she's _so_ pretty and sweet.

I read enough books about how to treat a girl so I'm pretty confident about this relationship.

**5/14-Dear Diary**

Strange things have happened lately.

When I smoked my first cigarette, Zeff didn't even bother to glance at me. He just told me, "Be careful with that shit eggplant."I felt anger wash over me because I wanted that old fart to see me as an adult, not some rebellious kid going through a phase. I threw away the cigarettes. I'll never smoke again. It hurt my chest like hell anyways.

Also, ever since last week, marimo has been coming over to Baratie to eat here by himself. I sat with him yesterday because Zeff forced me to, telling me to make new friends. I didn't want to sit with Zoro but I didn't want to get kicked in the head by Zeff either, so I just kept him company.

When I went up to him, I asked him what he was doing here and he responded by saying "eating" with his mouth full.

We argued a little at first but after his meal, we talked really long about basically nothing. At one point he mentioned his place. Apparently he lives in a dojo with his dad and a sister who are not related to him. He said this so plainly that it made me kind of curious. I wondered who his real parents were but I didn't ask out loud because I thought it was nosy and rude.

After awhile, I started to get used to his snappy remarks. He still irritates me like some buzzing mosquito though.

**5/30-Dear Diary**

I told myself never to smoke again but it must have been the nicotine or something because I can't stop putting that stupid stick in my mouth. Every time the thought of smoking comes into mind, my mouth starts to itch for that taste.

When I told Zoro this, he just laughed at me. He made fun of me for not having any self-control. He was no help at all but somehow he helped clear away my worries.

I realized awhile ago that whenever I talk to that mosshead, he helps me forget my problems.

He actually listens to me. Whenever I have something to say, he doesn't interrupt. He doesn't disagree or agree. He doesn't judge or pity. I actually appreciate his honest side.

And I think Zeff took a like in him too because sometimes he treats Zoro to a free meal. I never even knew that old fart could be nice to anyone.

I guess me and Zoro are somewhat of close acquantices, no, _acquaintances_ now. We still don't exchange any words in school, but that's only because everyone expects us to be enemies. We just don't want to break that cover.

After dating Ann for awhile now, I want to see what it is like to kiss someone. Some of my friends told me that their first kiss had been special and memorable but others told me the very opposite. And since everyone's opinions differ from each other's, it's hard for me to decide who is actually right. I want to see for myself but I don't want Ann to hate me.

. . .

Zoro came to the restaurant few minutes ago. The whole time I was talking about Ann, his lips were tightly shut as if he was annoyed. Maybe I was imagining it.

He laughed at me at one point and I think I froze because I never saw him laugh like that before. It was such a boyish laugh. I can't describe it. It sounded so... uhh what's the word? Happy? Cheerful? Maybe content or pleased. I don't know. It rang in my ears and I stared back at him dumbly until he snapped his fingers to get my attention again. I don't know what got into me.

Shit, I really want summer to come. I already made plans with Zeff this summer to learn recipes from him.

**6/18-Dear Diary**

Ann has been avoiding me lately. I hope I'm imagining it but she hadn't been picking up my calls lately and she keeps on insisting that she can walk home by herself. Every time I see her, she pretends that she hadn't seen me.

I can't stop wondering if I did something wrong. I thought I had the key to every girl's hearts but apparently I can't even make one girl happy.

Also, my cigarette addictions have been increasing rapidly. I used to be satisfied with a stick a day but now I need at least five to ten to calm my nerves. Zeff had been noticing and he gives me _that look._ It's really annoying. Why is that old man giving me_ that look_? He doesn't care. He doesn't care about me or my cigarette addiction so why is he bothering me so much?

Zoro is also avoiding me if things hadn't been bad enough lately. He hardly comes to Baratie anymore and when he does, he just comes to eat. It feels like he is also trying to cut me out of his life. Like what the fuck am I doing wrong? Why can't anyone tell me? God, I need another cigarette because people are confusing as fuck.

**6/28-Dear Diary**

I can't really say that I didn't expect this but Ann broke up with me today. I expected and anticipated it. I knew that we were getting distant ever since she started avoiding me. It made me feel empty at first since I wanted to be by her side a little bit longer. But I guess she didn't want the same things as I did.

In middle of the cheering crowd this afternoon, she hugged me for one last time and walked away. Zoro was standing near us, watching like a hawk.

I tried to smile and cheer with my crew. They were all so happy about school being over, but I just felt extremely tired and exhausted. When I walked away from the crew because I wanted to be alone, Zoro followed after me. He didn't say anything. He just patted my head awkwardly and went right back to the group.

Afterwards, while walking home, I laughed to myself because that bastard actually tried to make me feel better. It was so downright hilarious and funny at the same time, it immediately lifted the heavy feeling off my chest.

**9/5-Dear Diary**

I went to high school for the first time today and it made me extremely nervous. I had this goal in mind and it was to join one of those really cool groups and be admired by many girls. But I kind of chickened out so I just joined my middle school crew.

I saw Zoro again in three months with the rest of my friends. He hadn't been coming to the restaurant at all so the last memory of him is with my last entry.

I have to admit that he got a lot taller, muscular, and tanner. His voice is deeper and his facial structures are much more defined now. He appeared all too _manly _and it kind of scared the shit out of me. That damn childish brat who once used to be shorter than me was now taller. I tried to act all cool and casual when I greeted him.

His mouth almost, _almost _turned into a smile. "Curly, haven't seen you in a while." His tone was all relaxed and cocky just as I remembered it and his hair was as green as ever.

"Well you're the one who haven't visited Baratie in a while."

"Missed me, dartbrow? Aw, how sweet!" Even though it has been awhile, our conversations felt comfortable.

"Like hell you shithead!"

I have to admit that I missed arguing and talking back and forth with him. I missed it a lot, not that I would _ever_ admit that to Zoro. But _damn_, thinking back on that moment makes me so angry! I had to stand on my tippy toes just to stay on his eye level. Ugh.

Not only mosshead but everyone else grew too. Luffy got taller, Usopp grew some facial hair and learned to exaggerate his lies more, and Franky became overly buff and turned into some pervert. But I was thankful that Chopper remained the same because I _never_ wish to see Chopper all grownup and manly like the rest. Robin and Nami became prettier than the last time I saw them. My love knows no bounds for such beautiful ladies! But since they're both really popular, it's hard for anyone in our group to talk to them, let alone, invite them to join our table during lunch. I want all those slime sucking shitheads who attach themselves to those girls to snap their necks and crack their skulls open before I do it for them.

My violent side became worse thanks to that shit old man. This whole summer, he used every chance to beat the shit out of me. Every time I incorrectly followed a recipe, he kicked me. Every time I accidentally cut my finger, he kicked me. Every time I did anything, he ended up kicking me. I swear I lost at least thousands of brain cells from those kicks to the head. Some may call it tough love but I call it child abuse. That old man seriously needs to recheck his parental measures.

School was fun and all but I can already tell that this year is not going be easy. Homework has already piled up and it's literally our first day back. My algebra teacher gave us fucking three sheets to work with. I completely forgot basic math over the months so I have no idea how to even start.

I really think this is bullshit but I'll try to start on my work. Maybe if I do it fast enough, I'll still have enough time to help out in the kitchen.

**10/9-Dear Diary**

School work and fitting in consumes most of my time. I can't say that I'm completely satisfied with my status right now but I'm getting there. Not only me but everybody else is making their own friends too. Well, everybody except for Zoro.

In classes, I see him sitting all by himself in the corner, sleeping most of the times. In hallways, he just walks around like some ghost without interacting with anyone. It's kind of scary how unnoticed he goes.

Rumors are already spreading about him. Something about him being a lawless savage. It pretty much _does_ sum him up so I guess it's not that bad of a rumor, but still… This is bad. He's already heading to the bottom of the social pyramid. But then again, why should I give a damn? It's his choice, his life. It has to do nothing with me.

**11/1-Dear Diary**

Yesterday, during Halloween dance, I asked this girl out. I was in a Native American outfit and she was in a Native American outfit. It was perfect. When our eyes met, I felt this spark. It was like love at first sight, we were _so_ meant to be.

I danced with her couple of times before asking her out and when I did, she immediately agreed.

She has blonde hair, slightly lighter than my own, and she has green eyes which resembles a jewel. She's incredibly sweet and flirty. She knows exactly how to turn me into a mush.

**11/11-Dear Diary**

I broke it off with my new girlfriend today because I caught her cheating with someone I thought was my friend. They both apologized, but they were laughing as they said it. _She_ was laughing at me as if this was all a joke. I smiled at her before walking away, I wanted to kick my 'friend's' face in but I didn't, I just walked past them.

I was getting stuff from my locker when Zoro stood next to me, watching me with his piercing eyes. It made me kind of irritated so I snapped at him, "Leave me the fuck alone marimo, you fucking piece of shit."

I expected anger back and I kind of wanted him to snap back at me. I kind of wanted him to be angry so I could release my stress on him. But he merely walked away without a further comment. Zoro had always been more than an acquaintance to me. He had been a friend, a damn good one if I have to say. Actually, that term sounds strange to describe our relationship, but how else can you explain this thing? We can basically understand each other without us saying anything.

It's more of a hate and like relationship. I'll call it a hake. Actually, that sounds stupid.

**1/1-Dear Diary**

The cooks downstairs are being really noisy right now. They're creating such a huge ruckus, celebrating over a ball that just dropped in Times Square. I passed their offers to join them.

Currently, I'm sitting on my bed with nothing better to do than to write in my journal. It's annoying for me to write about my experiences, but I guess I would have to, seeing how that's the whole point of this thing.

So school has been going downhill lately. My grades have been slipping and it's only the beginning of the second semester. I'm starting to realize that all of my new friends are actually fake bastards. I can't trust them with secrets, I can't socialize with them without offending them, and I certainly can't slut shame girls like them. They're all just arrogant selfish brats who can't respect, not only ladies, but _anyone_.

Nami and Robin couldn't handle the fake personalities either. Ace and Luffy had a different reason for ditching their popularity though. They were just tired of those girls clinging onto them. It kind of made me want to kick both of their faces in but I kept my anger to myself.

Everyone else was completely fine in their lonely lives, even Zoro was completely fine in his own little solitary bubble, so it just made me wonder why I couldn't be satisfied with my life either. What was I missing? What am I missing now?

**1/13-Dear Diary**

I'm so excited. Zeff just told me that he signed me up for a cooking competition. I've never been to one before so I'm looking forward to it!

My competition is in about a week, but I'm still stumped. The theme is "the best chocolate dessert I've ever ate." And I have to admit, making deserts is kind of my weakness. I guess that's why Zeff thought it was a good idea to sign me up. He always manages to find ways to challenge me whenever he spots arrogance in me. It's fine though. Cooking wouldn't be as fun for me if it wasn't the least bit challenging. Also, the winning price is about thousand dollars and Zeff told me he would immediately save it as part of my college fund if I do manage to win.

Still, I hardly make any chocolate desserts. I should really start researching.

**1/14-Dear Diary**

I've decided to go with molten lava cake. Out of all the chocolate desserts, that seemed the most challenging.

In order to bake a perfect molten lava cake, I would have to know the exact timing, any more than necessary would turn it into a brownie and any less would make the insides raw. Either of the stakes are very risky. I also have to come up with ways to make the appearance of the cake more 'pleasing' to the eye. I would have one single chance to do it. The judges would have to be the first ones having the first and the last opinion.

I'm so excited. I think I'm going to practice making some right now. My hands are itching to make something delicious.

**1/17-Dear Diary**

For the last three days, I have eaten nothing but molten lava cakes. Even the smell of chocolates can make me sick.

Zeff allowed me to serve some to the customers; On the first day, most people informed me that the cakes were way too bitter and hard; On the second day, they told me the flavor was overly sweet and gooey; But finally, on the third day, many commented on how delicious my cakes were. Some even offered to buy them which I was incredibly flattered by.

I think I'm ready for the competition!

**1/19-Dear Diary**

I insisted everyone to come over to Baratie to try my molten lava cakes and they all agreed.

Through experience and practice, I was able to tell when my molten lava cakes were baked to perfection. The crew was energized over the desserts, especially Luffy. Even the ladies complimented and insisted that I will definitely be the one winning the competition. My lovely flowers praising me were the highlight of my day! I was overjoyed and self-assured until that idiot marimo decided to give the rest of his to Luffy.

I twitched before asking him, "Mosshead, is something wrong?" I tried to keep my voice all smooth and levelheaded.

Without even stopping to think of his next words, he responded with, "Yeah this sucks ass." When he said that, the whole table became silent, so silent that I thought I almost heard the veins in my forehead pop.

Except for an oblivious Luffy who was eating to his heart's content, everyone just stared at us. "What's wrong with it?" I slowly and calmly asked.

With that stupid smirk of his, he told me "Everything, now go fetch me something more edible." I swear I lost it there. I attacked him until everything became a blur.

I just remember Zeff kicking us until we were both calm once again.

I shot daggers at marimo but instead of returning that glare, he simply grinned at me, that boyish, satisfied grin. It made me shocked? No, it made me feel something more. I can't describe it very well though. This always happens. Every fucking time I try describing something, my vocabulary and my lack of knowledge falls behind. I wish I was better at describing my emotions and feelings.

The whole group was kicked out afterwards because Zeff thought we were all being way too noisy. Since we didn't have anything better to do, we just walked around the area until everyone felt like heading home. Of course by the end of the day, I was left alone with Zoro, because as I have said this before, God hates me.

At one point, I asked him, "When are you going to start coming to Baratie again?"

He used the same reply as last time, "You miss me, curly?"

Although my pride was on the line and it was humiliating to admit it, I answered, "Yeah."

Zoro looked surprised but that boyish smile eventually came back, actually, it was more of a smirk. With that curve of his lips, he said, "I'll try to visit." I felt skeptical, but because Zoro was the one who promised, I was sure that he would actually try his best.

**1/21-Dear Diary**

When Zeff and I first got there, we had to wait two whole fucking hours outside and another hour inside. And the competition itself, it was so fucking nerve wrecking. As soon as we entered the enormous room, the first thing I saw were cameras everywhere and cold hard stares from the judges. You could say that I was nervous but I say I was scared shitless.

They stationed us chefs to our stations and I felt everyone's eyes on me. I assumed it was because I was the youngest there. I tried to ignore the attention I was getting but it just made me sweat more. My performances were extremely clumsy at first. Cooking utensils flew out of my hands and I kept clumsily knocking down ingredients. Every time I made a mistake, I felt the judges' stares burning my back. It was so uncomfortable.

I changed things around eventually though. When a sudden memory of everyone's encouragements and content faces entered my mind, it made me want to do better. Luffy's bright smile burned in my brain and it made me see things in a positive light. I thought even if I don't win, I would still like to leave an impression to the judges and a smile on their faces. With that determination, I was able to take the trophy along with my thousand dollars.

The judges became nicer to me after tasting my food. They complimented me and talked about my 'genius skills' in front of the cameras. It was nice to have professionals acknowledge my skills for once, but I was dead tired by then. I just wanted to go home.

Zeff saved me from further socialization with others and future interviews. He was oddly protective over me as he led me outside, away from news reporters, food network casts, big named chefs, and entertainment employees. When we entered Zeff's car, he mumbled "good job son." The words were quiet, almost unheard, but it was more than enough to make me feel extremely proud. It was the best compliment that I've received this whole day. The praises from those famous cooks hardly compared to Zeff's.

A party was waiting for us back in Baratie. The cooks made a huge cake for me but Luffy had already eaten half of it even before I returned. It was fine though, that thing was too big for me anyways. The cooks, my friends, Zeff, and me, we laughed and ate to our heart's content. It was a really good day for me even though it was tiring as fuck.

The thousand dollars I won, I gave it all to Zeff. He cursed at me for just handing it to him but since it was my money, I felt that it was my choice whether to keep it or not. And since this restaurant always needed some renovation anyways, it was the best choice for that old fart to have it.

**2/16-Dear Diary**

My old man officially signed me up for savate, a French kickboxing class. I think this is perfect for me because after all these years of being kicked around by Zeff, I can finally fight back. But you could also say that I'm taking this class for another reason.

Since I've been noticing that Zoro has been getting more and more muscular, it makes me slightly antsy. We have equal power, but because that bastard is trying to tip the balance set between us, it makes me feel nervous. If he gets stronger, then what? It would leave me completely behind. We would no longer have the usual fights and he, being the cocky prick he is, would start looking down on me. I can't allow that to happen! I'm determined to beat that shitty bastard until he starts to recognize where he stands.

I'm going to perfect my cooking skills along with fighting skills because that's all there is in life. Oh, _and girls_. I love them so much! I'm not ready for another relationship, but I'm _very_ open to comforting any maiden's hearts. Oh how I would love to comfort Nami or Robin. I would love to tell either of them "It's okay sweet darlings!" Just like that time with Ann…

I mean... Ann was sweet and all but our relationship had been too childish and fake. I know that now. High school had a huge impact on me. It's like I'm able to see the other side of the world now.

People are just goddamn irritating and they are all sore thumbs in this world. There are so little people left who actually have good intentions left, other than a small amount, everybody else is just out for themselves. They're all selfish and ruthless of other people's feelings. The ones I hang out with however are the few exceptions who look out for others over themselves. They are loud, noisy, and annoying in their own ways, but they are all good people. Luffy always looks after his friends and Ace always looks after him. The whole crew just takes care of one another. We all have this unexplainable friendship bond that connects all of us, even with Zoro and I, as much as I hate to admit it.

I reconsidered the type of relationship that Zoro and I have. Rather than calling us acquaintances or friends, I think the better word for us is rivals. We always fight, argue, and we always compete to get ahead of the other in anything we do. It's just in our nature and I'm glad that I finally have something to call Zoro. It was kind of weird calling him a friend just like everyone else. It just didn't sound right.

**2/28-Dear Diary**

I heard Zoro murmuring to himself today. It was kind of creepy, the way he talked to himself in an empty classroom, staring blankly at the green board in front. His voice was low and soothing. He thought out loud, "When time speeds by, it makes no sudden movements. It is steady and lazy. No one really notices that the hands are moving on the clock. People remain calm because somehow in their mind, time has stopped for them. Everyone is told to live a normal life. Go to school like others, laugh with others, and set goals for the future." His eyes were strangely off into the distance as he spoke."But for what?" He trailed off before his eyes wandered to where I stood.

I gulped when I met his eyes. I started saying "It's not what it looks like," or "Did you say something marimo?" But my lips were frozen. Everything was frozen. The situation wasn't completely awkward but it wasn't exactly comfortable either. We both just stared at one another until Zoro decided to break the silence. "Just forget what I said shitbrow, I was reading some poem, it didn't mean anything anyways." He ended the conversation afterwards by leaving the room.

I knew it was a lie because Zoro didn't have a poem book with him.

It made me paranoid about some things. The things he said, it triggered some anxiety within me. In the future, what if I suddenly realize that this is not what I actually want? Whatever I have. What if I realize that everything is all wrong? The home that I'm in, the family I am with and the skin that I'm trapped in, what if it's not what I want? And what if I die knowing that I lived a lie?

It really wasn't Zoro's fault, but if he hadn't said anything, I wouldn't be feeling so fucking complicated at the moment.

**3/2-Dear Diary**

I think I changed over the course of the year. I'm not exactly sure. But little things like winning a contest, practicing savate every day, meeting new people, they all somehow impacted me in various ways. Birthdays have always been special, but this year, it seem to have lost its usual spark. It's still nice to be appreciated once a year though.

As usual, a party awaited for me back in Baratie, but I immediately noticed that something green was missing. I asked Luffy and others where he was, and they all informed me that Zoro couldn't come.

So I thought, _what could be more important than my birthday?_

I didn't need that stupid marimo anyways. I had others and I had fun. I ate and laughed.

Another year went by as quick as the wind.


	3. Chapter 3: Age fifteen

**AN**: It certainly has been a while since my last update, but I have been caught up in so many things lately. Although writing is my passion, as a student, it's truly difficult for me to focus on a single subject alone. My wonderful beta reader **queenofsweets** was very helpful. She fixed up a bunch of my grammar mistakes and even recommended me a software called LibreOffice.

Also, for those who took time out of their lives to comment about my work, _thank you so much_! I know my English is not the best, but seeing your comments really brought a smile to my face. These small comments makes me want to try harder and exceed my current abilities. I know I don't say this enough but I'm really thankful that a site like fanfiction exists, where an amateur fanfiction writer like me, can share their stories to willing readers like yourselves. For those who are reading this, I'm going to stop in track so you'll be able to continue on with the story~

* * *

=-=-=-=-= Age 15=-=-=-=-=

A large yawn escaped his lips from boredom and immediately his eyes were wet with perspiration. The words on the page bergun to distort as his focus dissolved.

Reading had never been his pleasure or delight. It irked him to death really. The position he held while concentrating upon the content before him was rather uncomfortable. The crook of his neck ached and his spine cracked as he returned to his natural posture.

He rested the leather book on top of the table as he brushed the pale blond locks out of his face. The boy pondered over the pages he just examined. From the opening of his grandfather's past thoughts, his perspectives had remained neutral. In fact, instead of rousing his interest in reading or whatever his grandfather initially intended, a heavy feeling of irritation had brewed in replacement.

The adolescent Sanji was quite the foolish one. His life consisted of girls, food, a rival, and other trivial matters. Even when discussing topics of life and death, he had unwisely placed the blames on this Zoro figure who seemed to be an intelligent guy. Even while saying he had changed, the year hardly had an effect on the teen.

A slight hint of the rose fragrance tenderly brushed past the boy's nostrils. It had an immediate soothing effect on his tense muscles. For a moment, his mind was freed as a soaring bird to a state of reverie. The colors the flowers gave off danced charmingly in his vision and the scenery surrounding him seemed somewhat more captivating than before.

Even while reading had been frustrating and troublesome, inquisitiveness overtook his mind. He wondered what might happen next. What drastically shifted his grandfather's personality and increased his wisdom. Almost frantically, his fingers reached for the book in front of him which was open for all its worth.

He repeatedly reminded himself that he was reading to satisfy this famine of interest and not to attain knowledge. Books were not capable of changing anyone's perspectives. They held facts and opinions. While the ones which held facts were quite useful, the ones that held opinions were pointless. Every author seemed to somehow contradict the other and while that may be pleasurable to someone else, it merely vexed the boy.

* * *

**3/28-Dear Diary**

I am not the smartest person in the world but something terrible is happening in Zoro's life right now.

That annoying bastard hasn't talked to me in so long and not only that, he hardly comes to school anymore. I can feel that something is off about him. I can't explain it dammit but something is definitely out of place. Let's just call it my natural instinct.

**5/5-Dear Diary**

Well guess who just won at being the biggest asshole ever. Yeah, me.

Shit, Zoro and I got into a serious fight earlier. It wasn't like one of our usual fights either because neither of us tried to brake a bone or slice off a body part. It was actually one of those normal fights and that scared the shit out of me. Our group is just a bunch of weirdos. Us being normal is almost weirder than the president jacking off to some anime porn. That's some disturbing analogy I just made up but I think it got my point across.

I think I really snapped when Zoro told us he needed to be somewhere else again. I tried to be nice at first, I told him, "For fuck's sakes, it's Luffy's birthday, just stay won't you?"

He snorted and it really ticked me off. "None of your business shithead," and that irritated me to no end. I thought _who does this bastard think he is? Aren't all of us his friends?_ Well I'm his rival but still. He shouldn't keep any secrets from us. But since I wasn't too good at expressing myself, I kicked him instead.

To my surprise, he didn't even try fighting back. He merely blocked my kicks and when I noticed this, my focus kind of fell apart. He took this chance to push me back against a wall. I felt pathetic because I, Sanji Blackleg, was being pushed around by some damn marimo. It was so fucking embarrassing.

When his face came so close to mine, my breath kind of hitched. I felt my heartbeat speed up because I was able to see every outline of Zoro's anger on his face. He growled like some beast which caught my attention again, "Stop fucking resorting to violence all the damn time and stop interrupting my life every damn second. My life has nothing to do with you. Stay out of mine then I'll stay out of yours."

I was beyond angry. I was even angrier than the time he said my cooking was bad.

I told him, "I'm so disappointed in you, piece of shit" out of pure anger. I knew those words were more effective than a simple "I hate you," and I guess that's why I said it. Because at the very moment, all I wanted to do was hurt him emotionally and physically as much as possible.

His grip on my shirt tightened and his growls became louder in my ears. The anger he expressed at the moment, I felt ten times more bitter. "We're always here for you as friends but because you're some insecure shit, it leaves us to feel like we're the ones doing something wrong. But in all honesty, you're the only one screwing everything up. Even on Luffy's, your own damn best friend's birthday, without a reason, you decide to-" Before I could finish my angry outbursts, he cast me aside and threw me on the ground. Even though I called him the disappointment, by the cold look in his eyes, it was obvious who was the actual disappointment.

Luffy who spotted us came over to stop the fight. "That's enough Zoro, you should go on ahead." He stood like a barrier between us, putting one of his palms on Zoro's chest and the other in front of my face.

"Yeah I will, happy birthday Luffy," Zoro told him before sprinting away.

Luffy turned to me before placing one of his hands on top of my shoulder. He laughed like a little kid before giving me some advice, "Sanji, you should apologize to Zoro, you guys always fight but you guys always make up at the end too. I'm sure he'll forgive you." He grinned at me before helping me up.

Even though Luffy made it sound really easy, I wasn't too sure. I sounded like some shitty bastard back there and since this fight was different than the rest, I really wasn't too sure.

**5/6-Dear Diary**

The whole day, I thought about that damn marimo. I thought about casually talking to him again then I thought about sincerely apologizing to him. Whatever those plans were, I decided to find him and talk to him first.

It was so easy to spot him because no one in our school had green hair. Actually, I don't even think anyone else in this world naturally owned green hair like Zoro. Just before I had a chance to confront that damn marimo, he ran outside of the school grounds, hurrying off somewhere again. My good conscience was telling me to leave him alone and let him do whatever he wanted, but as always, I followed my bad conscience. It was more exciting that way anyways.

Zoro ran the whole way there and I was right on his heels. It was exciting to follow him, I felt like I was in some action movie. But when he stopped at some hospital and glanced around, he noticed me immediately because my stupid flashy blond hair.

He looked really unhappy with crossed arms. He didn't freak out as I expected but he didn't seem too pleased either. "What are you doing here?" His frown appeared ruder than usual.

I dumbly countered, "What are_ you_ doing here?" I didn't think the trick would work but it did.

Zoro became distracted, "I'm here to see my sister."

"Is she sick?"

"Yeah…"

"I hope she feels better marimo."

"Thanks curly, you wanna meet her?"

I was surprised by the sudden offer but I accepted it willingly because I was curious. Zoro was like this Easter egg, very mysterious on the outside but hopefully worth it on the inside.

I followed after that marimo but he ended up getting us lost. So eventually, I had to find Kuina's room all by myself because Zoro was completely useless with directions.

"You came again Zoro? Don't you have a social life?" A girl who I guessed was Kuina spoke. She had normal black hair unlike Zoro but I felt that something was similar between them.

I haven't seen Zoro's boyish grin in a while but it immediately revealed when his sister spoke, "I got to visit you as much as possible before you die you know." I flinched at that because that was plain rude, especially towards girls.

But Kuina simply grinned at his response and said, "Who's going to die? You mean you? I mean, surely you're not talking about me seeing how I defeated you, oh I don't know, about a thousand times." Her cocky grin was almost exactly like marimo's. It was kind of scary how alike they were to each other.

Marimo became all embarrassed and turned bright red. "Shut up!"

Kuina laughed all cheerfully then noticed me, "Oh, who is this? You have friends Zoro?"

"He's not my friend!" We both said this at the same time and it made Kuina laugh again.

"You are pretty funny, what's your name and why is your eyebrow so curly?" Even though she was a lady, she was too blunt, just like Zoro.

"My eyebrows aren't that curly!" I accidentally shouted at first, but regained control again, "I mean, young maiden, my name is Sanji Blackleg and your beauty is almost too much for one's eyes. If I had a star in front of my eyes, I would still believe you to be the brighter one!"

Before she could respond, Zoro told her, "He's an idiot."

I kicked him in the head and we fought until the doctors had to break us apart. The whole time, Kuina was cackling like a maniac, calling us both idiots.

You could say she was unladylike, loud, obnoxious, and competitive, but I say that she was very lovable. She spoke the truth, accepted me, and she had a way with Zoro. Kuina was able to make her brother smile with only few words and stir him up like some angry cat with the next.

It was fun hanging out with the two. We played scrabble and card games until it became dark out. I almost felt bad leaving Kuina alone in the hospital room but she insisted that I hurry along and go home. "Come again Sanji!" She yelled really loudly before I shut the room door.

I became red because all the doctors and nurses turned to me.

Zoro snickered towards me after seeing my face. I felt like hitting him again but I restrained myself. Before anything, I had a question that was bugging me, "Why is she in the hospital?"

That happy look sort of disappeared and annoyance just somehow came back, "None of your business bastard, I told you she was sick." I frowned because Zoro was so bipolar. One moment he was happy and the next, he was angry. He was so unpredictable and because of that, I was intrigued.

**5/30-Dear Diary**

Last night, marimo snuck me out of Baratie. I asked him many times where we were going but he refused to tell me until we actually reached the place. And when I say place, I mean a bar with alcohol and many_ many_ beautiful dancing ladies.

He grinned at me when he noticed my expression. I felt panicky inside because beautiful adult women with so little clothes were dancing all around me. I stuck like a glue by Zoro's side because for some reason, I felt more safe with him. Not that I needed protection or anything. He just knew the place better than I, so I just stayed by his side.

I was worried and uneasy when we reached the bartender because we were both underage. I was afraid that the bartender would call the cops on us. However, when Zoro ordered two glasses of something called rum, nothing really happened. Not even a suspicious glance was given. The bartender just handed two teenagers two glasses of alcohol without asking for ID.

I smelled the drink a few times and pulled my nose away because it stank of cheap vodka mixed with something fruity. When I told Zoro this, he smirked at me with that shitty arrogant face of his. He asked me, "Can't take a drink you sissy?" Then he drank his second glass with ease, showing off that he was somewhat better than me.

Since I was never one to back off from a challenge, I grabbed the drink and downed it in one gulp.

It literally burned my throat all the way down. When it landed, I was afraid that this shit was acid and would burn a hole in my stomach. I had this urge to fucking throw up because not only did it burn but the smell and taste was terrible. So as a chef who has tasted ups and downs in food quality, I hereby say this had been the worst.

Then I started to notice everything becoming so faint and blurry looking. I think I was scared of the lights moving because I swear, it was flashing everywhere! Also, the colors and body movements were invading my space, it almost felt like I was being absorbed into the crowd. To be honest, I really don't remember much of it. I have flashes of memories from when I was drunk. Like I remember when I was laughing at the bartender for being stupid and I also recall being carried on someone's back on the way home.

When I woke up on my bed this morning, I felt all sick inside. My head was throbbing so I took some painkillers and then I took a really long shower afterwards because my body smelled like alcohol and other people's body odors.

I'm probably never doing that ever again. Damn that marimo.

**6/2-Dear Diary**

That marimo was mad at me because I threw up all over him the other night. I told him to get over it but I think that just made him angrier. What's that expression, adding fuel to the fire? Yeah, that's what I did.

Since my memories were actually coming back, I'm beginning to remember Zoro's face when I barfed all over his shirt. It was so freaking hysterical because his mouth was in that 'o' shape.

He looked so annoyed with everything but I guess that was part of the reason why it was so funny to me.

Summer is coming fast and I'm going to be a sophomore next year! This year went by so fast that I almost didn't notice it passing. I'm glad it's over though. I was on the verge of failing at least two of my classes.

**6/8-Dear Diary**

I did another competition yesterday. The theme was called "Glamorous." It was basically about making a dish as pretty as possible. I think this time, it was easier for me because decorating my food afterwards was always my thing.

If I had another job, something else other than being a chef, I think I would want to be an artisan because the two jobs are very similar. They are both complicated and artful at the same time. But still, in my opinion, I think cooking is _way_ better because artists can't satisfy anyone's stomachs.

So this time, when I won that competition, I was more than prepared to deal with those interviewers and they asked for some of my personal recipes I replied "that's classified." It made me feel like a CSI agent for saying that.

I'm hoping that my infamous cooking prodigy status will bring more customers to Baratie because I don't want to see Zeff's dream restaurant to shut down _ever_. I owe that old man too much for something like that to happen. He took care of me in his restaurant my whole life. Zeff and this place are almost sacred to me.

**6/16-Dear Diary**

I visited Kuina at the hospital with Zoro again. I was worried because she seemed weaker than the last time I had seen her.

She coughed every time she spoke and wheezed with every breath she took. She told us, "I just caught a really bad cold, don't worry about me." But even though she was trying to reassure us, it was so obvious that she was in pain and that she didn't have just a mere cold.

It was hard for me to see her in pain but it must've been a thousand times worse for Zoro. His face was all scrunched up into a forced grin but no matter how hard he tried, it just seemed miserable. Kuina probably saw through his bad acting skills too. But like me, she didn't say anything.

We didn't play games this time. Instead, Zoro took out a book of poems and read it to her with a soothing voice until she quickly fell asleep.

I carefully listened to Zoro's voice, even after Kuina went to bed. I loved poetry, but was unfamiliar with who wrote the beautiful words the marimo was now relaying."

My mind was completely in a daze. I even took time to memorize some of the poems because they held special meanings for me.

As memories, I'm going to leave the titles here 'Dreams' by Langston Hughes and 'Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep' by Mary Elizabeth Frye.

* * *

The boy dashed indoors with the tattered journal in hand, feet skimming across the stylish floor underneath. The sound of his quickly thumping feet resonated in the hallway like a drum.

He was headed towards the library which held many classic novels and poems created by variety of authors. Part of his brain was insisting, almost pleading, for him to nourish and supply the desire to know more. The boy anxiously wished to know the exact feeling that his grandfather felt when hearing those poems. He shuffled through the rows and rows of hard covered books that were all placed alphabetically.

Within only a few minutes, he was able to acquire the two poems he sought for. Then the boy surreptitiously sauntered back towards the room.

The script was most strangely written and the paperback had an unusual feel to it but the scent was the most noticeable of all. A smell emanated from the worn leather, one that resembled the fragrance of a lush green forest. Air of dusts clouded in front of the exposed pages, much visible with the aid of the natural light. His eyes scanned each page in impatience, sheer anticipation seeping in hopes of encountering the two poems.

Jingles of a golden bell were lightly heard faraway, soft soprano hums echoed, and a faint noise of paws skittered across the hallway. These sounds dispersed as he focused on the poetry, absorbing the words until they became as permanent in his brain as a tattoo was on skin.

_Do not stand at my grave and weep_

_I am not there. I do not sleep._

_I am a thousand winds that blow._

_I am the diamond glints on snow._

_I am the sunlight on ripened grain._

_I am the gentle autumn rain._

_When you awaken in the morning's hush_

_I am the swift uplifting rush_

_Of quiet birds in circled flight._

_I am the soft stars that shine at night._

_Do not stand at my grave and cry;_

_I am not there. I did not die._

-Mary Elizabeth Frye-

The poem was unexpectedly short. He initially imagined pages and pages of metaphors, personifications, hyperbole's, and all those literary devices which were favorably used by all kinds of poets. He had not expected so many mature elements would be present, bringing about feelings that he found confusing. Topics of love and the true value of friendship were still too complex for a boy his age.

The boy lightly flipped the pages to find the next poem.

_Hold fast to dreams_

_For if dreams die_

_Life is a broken-winged bird_

_That cannot fly._

_Hold fast to dreams_

_For when dreams go_

_Life is a barren field_

_Frozen with snow_.

-Langston Hughes-

The crinkles in between his two eyebrows loosened with ease as his breath hastened. The harmonious thumps of his heartbeats vibrated across his ribcage and his chest swelled with some sort of an emotional reaction. This enigmatic state stirred confusion within the boy. He imagined his grandfather experiencing the exact sentiments as he, maybe even far more in depth. After all, reading was far different than listening to another being. When you hear a poetic voice, it's easier to derive emotion from that voice than just words. The hitch of a person's breath, and hints of hesitation, you're able to recognize it all. You're able to feel it all.

But the mere action of reading seemed so dull and dry. So irksome and tiring. Yet the boy continued through the book of poems and the diary entries nonetheless.

* * *

To leave Kuina in peace, Zoro and I left the hospital.

Since it was still early, we decided to go to Zoro's house. That marimo was against the whole idea at first but I eventually convinced him by telling him that I'll be making food. He pretended not to care about the offer but it was so obvious that he was tempted.

The dojo he always talked about, I finally saw it. It was huge and there were little kids everywhere, swinging their small bamboo sticks around. Some were our age but most were younger. They all greeted Zoro and even asked him for a duel. He refused all the requests like a cocky bastard though.

"You're really popular here," I told him with a laugh since it was pretty amusing to see how he acted at home.

Zoro only grumbled, "shut up, shitty cook."

But of course, being the calm person that I am, I ignored that comment.

The kitchen was an exciting place to be because there was so much strange cooking equipment that it almost seemed foreign to me. Actually, they were all probably foreign, specifically Japanese, because everything in this place seemed so oriental. This whole place practically shouted Japan!

My hand itched like crazy to test out all the ingredients and equipment.

"What do you want for dinner marimo and do those kids normally eat here too?" I wanted to know exactly how things went around here and also, I didn't want anyone starving.

"I don't care what you make and yeah, the kids normally stay over for dinner but you don't have to make food for them, I usually feed them ramen noodles so..."

"Ramen noodles for dinner? Are you trying to under nourish them?" I snapped at him because being unhealthy with food just meant plain laziness. "I'll cook for the whole dojo tonight so stay out of my way until then." I learned the ways of being bossy in a kitchen from Zeff and it worked like a charm on Zoro. The marimo head merely snorted at the comment then went outside to play with the kids.

I smiled to myself as I experimented with all these spices and sauces from overseas because it was fun to cook, to see how well ingredients were able to match one another. It took awhile cooking for about twenty people, but it was worth it to see the happy looks on everyone's faces afterwards. I wasn't too big on compliments but when it came to my cooking, my heart bloated each time.

I didn't see Zoro's father but the fact that I saw Zoro's home and his homelife made me feel satisfied. Was I somewhat obsessed with marimo? Was that why I felt the need to see every part of his life? What was so special about him that interested me so much?

I didn't have answers to any of these questions and it frustrated me. All I knew for certain was that I needed to know more, to create a deeper connection with Zoro. It scared me to a certain extent to realize how much I desired that.

**7/1-Dear Diary**

The days have been extremely hot lately, I literally carry a fan around with me wherever I go.

Lately, to make everything worse, Zeff tries to save money by shutting off all of the air conditioning systems. When things become too unbearable in Baratie, I head over to visit Kuina at the hospital where Zoro is most likely there as well.

Us three, we're like the three musketeers. That sounds so lame but that's the best term to describe our connection.

Sometimes though, I do feel left out. It seems like Zoro and Kuina have a deeper understanding of each other. Well, that is an obvious statement since they knew each other for a really long time, plus, they're siblings, of course they know everything about each other. It's like they're telepathics, they're able to tell what is on each other's minds without really saying anything. I feel like the third wheel and it's lonesome at times. I'm glad though, because they accept me for who I am. Being a teenager and all, I think less people are able to understand me nowadays. Hell, I am still unsure of who I am. But even so, having friends who understand you is more valuable than having enough money for a lifetime. That's just my opinion though, a lot of people would disagree.

Approximately two days ago, I overheard a conversation between Zoro and Kuina. It wasn't like I meant to eavesdrop on the conversation or anything, it just happened. I even tried forgetting about it afterwards but it wasn't easy.

When I offered to buy us each a soda, I accidentally left my wallet in the room, so I went back. I stopped at the door though because I heard Zoro mentioning my name.

At the time, I wasn't thinking much so I hesitated and ended up digging myself into a bigger hole. Since I was already in too deep, I thought listening to them a bit further wouldn't hurt. Boy, was I wrong...

"Sanji... I still haven't told him anything but if you want me to then..." That marimo actually sounded gentle and mannered.

I heard Kuina having a coughing fit before speaking, "Tell him when... gone... don't... sad..." Her breath came out as wheezes. Her voice was almost dropped to a whisper so it was hard to make out certain things.

Zoro sounded angry from her answer, the gentleness that had been in his voice completely disappeared, "Shut up, stop saying that you fucking coward." I was infuriated hearing such rude comments directed toward a lady. Zoro needed to have some damn respect, especially since Kuina was sick.

"Zoro, I thought I told you before. You have to accept fate if you want to become the greatest swordsman and don't call me a coward, you know I hate that comment." It was really obvious that Kuina was tired and didn't want to talk about this topic anymore.

But that marimo continued, "Well if you're giving up on your dreams then you're a coward." I became curious when things became silent after. I didn't know that Zoro was heading my way, if I knew, I would've been long gone.

When that marimo saw me, he glared for a split second before walking away. He didn't even bother to comment on my eavesdropping. It made me feel embarrassed and ashamed at the same time. I think it would've been better if he had said something, anything! An insult would've been better than a silent treatment. It was like I disappointed him or something, it made me feel really uneasy.

The next day which was yesterday, they acted completely normal around each other. I guess that's what families do. They fight, they argue, and they forgive without actually apologizing. That's what I do with Zeff and the other cooks in Baratie too.

Even though they thought I was clueless, I still had some idea of what they were talking about the other day.

Kuina was telling Zoro how she might pass away soon and obviously Zoro freaked the fuck out because I would have too. His own sister, his own fucking sister was telling him that she was about die. I don't even have a sister so I can only imagine but Kuina is still my friend. I feel this strong sadness over the news. But it has to be worse for Zoro. He lived with her his entire life. Sure they're not blood related but they grew up together. The bond they share is stronger than any normal friendship or that of a sibling. So yeah, I sympathize with him. I sympathize with him so much that I went as far to cry for him.

By some miracle, I hope things will turn for Zoro's favor.

**7/16-Dear Diary**

Even though I was so against the idea of keeping a journal before, I'm kind of glad that I have one now. My mind is always running, I always have things to say but not everyone has the patience to hear me out. So having a journal is like having a friend. It lets you go on a rampage and talk continuously without having to stop. I can talk about whoever I want and whatever I want and it wouldn't judge me. Well, it wouldn't be able to judge me anyways since it is an inanimate object after all, but what I'm trying to say is that it's nice to let it all out. Keeping things in makes me feel stuffed up like a turkey during thanksgiving.

So here I go, I have a theory that could get me beat up whether it is true or not.

It may be becoming a habit of mine but I've been eavesdropping on Kuina and Zoro lately. I do value their privacy and I wouldn't want anyone listening on me either but I just can't help it. That marimo refuses to tell me anything himself so I feel like this is the only way. I'm not even sure why I'm so curious about his life in the first place but I'm already in too deep. It's not like I can take back my actions or what I heard anyways.

This afternoon, I pretended to head home but in actuality, I stayed behind to listen in on their conversation. I stood right behind the door and held my breath. I was scared that they would catch me sneakily listening in on them.

The first voice I heard was Zoro's, he casually chuckled and said, "I thought that curly brow would never leave." I grinded my teeth when I heard that, I was even tempted to go back in there to beat the shit out of him.

Kuina laughed with him a bit. "Sanji can be annoying," My jaw dropped and my heart crushed when I heard that. However, before I even had the chance to mope and get all depressed, she continued. "But he's a good friend. Actually, he's a lifetime friend. He is someone who will stay with you even through the darkest times, the most sorrowful times, and even the most pathetic times. I noticed that he hardly talks about himself and I figured that is because he thinks of himself as someone undeserving. I can almost see the patterns of self destructiveness. Zoro... Promise me that you will stay with him."

I bit my lower lip because Kuina was too kind. She cared for me even if we haven't known each other for that long.

"I'll promise if you promise me to stay too." Zoro's response caught my attention again. The subject change was almost too sudden. Also, the emotions behind his words were so unlike Zoro that it caught me off the guard.

I heard Kuina sigh for the bazillionth time this week. "Zoro..." She sounded tired again and my heart, my heart just wrenched for her.

"I know, I know all your shit about accepting fate. You and Koshiro tell me this every single day. Accept fate Zoro because there are no ways of escaping it. Do what your gut tells you Zoro because that's probably your fate leading you. Follow fate Zoro because things are going to fuck up if you don't. I know all about it." The 'fate' he spoke of was a harsh reminder that Kuina was to die soon. And although he acknowledged this power of 'fate,' the way he spoke of it oozed of mockery.

"What the hell do you want from me?" In my mind, I silently thought _oh snap_. I didn't expect such a bold answer from her and neither did Zoro. He was speechless. "What's wrong Zoro? Cat got your tongue? You weren't like this when you asked me out for a date."

_What? What? WHAT?_ I had to calm myself because I couldn't blow my cover away at such a crucial I misinterpreted her comment or something, but it was so straight forward. I'm not sure how else anyone could have understood it.

I kind of expected Zoro to be like _what are you talking about?_ But he didn't. Instead, he said, "It's not like you accepted it though." It came out so cheeky and playful that I had to wonder if my guess was really wrong or not.

"Of course not, we're siblings."

My heart was thumping really loudly in my chest. I wanted it to shut up but of course I would've died if that ever happened. My suspicion of them just grew larger and larger with my curiosity. Every single thing they said sounded damn fishy to me. I wanted to be creative and think about other possibilities, but my mind just kept coming back to the first theory.

The siblings were in a taboo relationship with each other, or at least I think.

And I would also like to point out that I used the word 'taboo,' because it's so damn_ taboo_.

So that marimo, like the annoying bastard he is, replied to Kuina in a very cocky way. "I thought you didn't care about those things Kuina? What happened to your big talk about fate this and fate that?" I pictured him with a stupid smirk plastered all over his face, thinking he was some clever shit for saying that. But what happened next was what kept my attention. Zoro continued on to prove his point, "When we were twelve, I clearly recall you telling me-" His sentence was abruptly cut off.

That silence lasted for a whole minute and within that minute, I couldn't help but to assume certain things. My mind basically went like this '_oh god, what are they doing in there? Are they fucking kissing or something? Holy motherfucking shit, I can't believe this. I can't fucking believe this. Should I get out of here? Oh my fucking god_.' So yeah... I guess you could say that I was freaking out.

When Kuina's voice broke the silence, I almost had a heart attack. "What were you about to say Zoro? Or marimo-kun?" She started to laugh at her own joke. Actually, she wasn't laughing, she was more like cackling. And since Zoro wasn't responding, I imagined him being all speechless. I don't know what went on within those silent seconds but shit must have gone down if it shocked Zoro to that extent.

Kuina started choking after laughing for so long. I didn't think much of it until her chokes turned into painful coughs. Zoro started patting her on the back. "I'll get you some water."

That was the last thing I heard.

By the time he reached the door, I was already long gone, out of the hospital, running down the streets. Running and running until my lungs couldn't take it anymore. For some reason, I expected Zoro behind me, chasing me down, but of course that didn't happen. I was scared because I knew I heard too much. I knew the information wasn't meant for me to hear.

It was too late to regret anyways since I was already too far into their personal lives.

Its just that, I didn't know how to process the information yet. I'm pretty sure that I wasn't weirded out or disgusted by this, and I wasn't really happy for them either. I just felt neutral when hearing this, slightly surprised, but that's it.

I guess I will try my best to put on a front because they are still my good friends. I wouldn't want them to think that I'm judging them on their decisions or anything.

You know what? I have to be honest here. I'm way too good at acting in these types of situations. I feel like if I ever get the chance, I could really polish my skills and be a movie star or something. Then maybe I could meet all those gorgeous, celebrity ladies! _If only_. Then my life would be truly complete.

**7/24/13**

I love grocery stores. It is literally like a chef's paradise.

So many different types of fruits and vegetables, rows and rows of them laid out, decorating the place with bright colors. Who needs ornaments and decorations when you have fruits and vegetables? Also, when you walk in, the smell, the smell of variety of spices, it just hits you full force. For a chef, it's as lovely as a normal person smelling flowers in a garden. You just can't get enough of it.

I think the best part is that you can literally get any basic ingredients you need. If you want to make some chicken caesar salad for the night, then boom! You can get the chicken, some romaine lettuce, croutons, parmesan cheese, and a bottle of high quality extra virgin olive oil instantly. And if I can go on and on about anything, it would have to be food related because I can literally rant forever about this.

So the reason why I started off with the topic of grocery stores is because I went to one with my group. And let me make it clear who is exactly in my group; Luffy, Zoro, Nami swan, Usopp, me, Chopper, Robin chwan, and Franky. Ace also belongs with us but since he is older, he has another group of his own, so he can't spend as much time with us. It can't be helped.

For the past five days, we've spent a lot of time with each other because Luffy and Ace invited all of us to a beach house. At first it annoyed me to know that they are filthy rich enough to own a beach house, but I was able to get over that irritation.

We threw a beach party to celebrate our last day today and of course I ended up cooking for everybody.

I enjoy cooking for large groups though since it lets me go all out, and I especially liked gathering ingredients today because Zoro accompanied me as a pack mule. Of course he objected to it at first but when Luffy told him to, it was like he had no other choice. It's weird how loyal he is to Luffy. I respect that straw hat kid but that respect is nowhere as close to Zoro's.

We ended up getting lost on the way back. I was annoyed with Zoro's navigation skills at first since there are _none_ at all. He is literally mentally retarded with directions. When I tell him to go right, he goes left. When I tell him to go straight, he ends up going in a circle. I really have no idea how his brain works. But despite this small problem, it gave us a great chance to talk. I don't remember what we talked about exactly, but I do recall sharing comfortable silences and that really says a lot. Silences usually make me feel uneasy and awkward, so it causes me to be more talkative. Only few people can share a peaceful silence with me. Only around my closest friends, I can remain calm. And I guess somehow Zoro ended up in that list. I'm still not sure what he thinks of me though.

Since I was completely behind schedule, for five hours straight, I cooked nonstop. And I didn't even bother taking breaks in between. With raw materials, I created dish after dish from scratch. But it was all worth it at the end because everyone was left satisfied. As a chef, I think that's the best feeling ever, knowing that your food was the reason for everyone's smiles.

I'm going to feel sad about leaving this place because I really enjoyed spending time with everyone. If only time could freeze. I would like to live in these happy moments forever.

**8/16/13**

It seems that I can't visit Kuina anymore because she just underwent surgery. The visitors are restricted to only family members so it's just unfair to me. It's like the whole universe is plotting together to keep me out of Zoro and Kuina's lives. I know I'm nosy and all, but I genuinely care for them. I want to get to know them more, get involved more, and become closer with them.

I sometimes feel so left out of their conversations that it's like there's a barrier between us. They're in their own little world where no one else can ever bother them. I want to step inside that barriers. I want to join in on their private jokes and laugh along with them because I know they're worth it.

I think it's so cool how they are open minded about stuff, so fucking flexible with everything, from childish opinions to serious values, they're always there to hear them out. I used to think Zoro was this simple minded bastard but he really isn't. Well... He _is_ a simple guy and a bastard on top of that, but he's somewhat more than that.

How should I explain this...

He is really stubborn and I guess that goes against the whole 'flexible' comment, but I swear it all makes sense. If you know him in real life, he literally goes against every stereotype. Even though he is mean looking and foul mouthed, deep in there, really deep in there, gotta dig real hard, you will kind of see a soft kitten hiding underneath everything. Soft and furry as it goes. All cute and fluffy, kind hearted, still idiotic, but nice in weird ways.

He's authentic, that's something nowadays. He is so true to himself that he makes enemies wherever he goes. People hate his guts for who he is and he doesn't give a shit about it. To tell you the truth, I would never have the guts to be like that. I'm always careful about my image, so careful that no one in our school knows that I'm actually some foul mouthed cook.

In some ways, I guess Zoro and I are pretty similar. But I still refuse to be grouped with that gorilla.

I noticed that somehow I always end up at the topic of Zoro for some odd reasons. Ever since he rudely barged into my life, I have been talking about him non stop. It's like I have an obsession with him, not that I admire him from afar or anything. He's just different, that's all, different from the normal people I meet every day, with an exception of our crew of course. Even the taboo affair he has with his sister is so fascinating, so different, and unexpected. Not even in million years, would I have been able to guess his life.

In order to reveal what's inside, you gotta crack him open with a hammer or something, just like an Easter egg as I have mentioned previously. But allow me to correct myself. That marimo is not an Easter egg. He is more like the Earth where there lies multiple crusts. You think you cracked it after the first layer then you find out there is another layer hiding underneath, then again, then again. And the deeper you go down, the harder it is to break.

There are times when I think that I have him all figured out, then of course, out of nowhere, he proves me wrong with his unexpected secrets. It's almost impossible to know where the core of his 'earth' is because there are so many layers of him.

I don't want to deepen our friendship, but I have to say that I'm very curious about him. He is my surprise, my puzzle, it's fun to put the pieces of him together to see the actual beauty. I mean... The actual self, his actual personality, not beauty. Only ladies are beautiful.

**8/28-Dear Diary**

I really don't get some people sometimes. When there are shitty consequences at the end, why do it? When you know your actions will end up hurting the people around you and yourself, why risk it? Why is it so fucking difficult for some people to understand that every choice leads to a payment in this shitty life? I don't understand, I really don't. I would like to understand but it's completely and utterly impossible.

Someone from Baratie got arrested today for holding illegal drugs. I'm not going to say his name but let's just say that he _used_ to be part of our staff. I _used_ to talk to him casually and occasionally shared recipes with him. I never knew there was more to him than what was shown.

I'm not exactly sure what was worse; finding out his true face or knowing that he had used us and Baratie all along.

That damn bastard knew that he was risking everybody else with him. He knew, no matter what, that he was sacrificing our reputation.

Fuck...

I'm angry, not because of obvious reasons, but because I'm slowly beginning to forgive him. Even though he fucked us all over, this anger is little by little turning into sympathy. And I hate myself for it. It would be easier if I was mad, then I could thrash here and there, and that emotion will be over with. But sympathy is a much different story. I can't satisfy sympathy. Sympathy is guilt and pity, it's a feeling of compassion. Nothing can satisfy sympathy until the other person is satisfied.

I'm a cook, so the only thing I can satisfy is hunger, and that is the limit to my usefulness.

I can't cure a drug addict or help anyone else. I can't be the superhero who saves the day or be the sunlight that shines on someone else's day. I am just an individual who will live his life and die without making a difference in this world. People will use me along the way and my sympathy will guide them through. This so called compassion will ruin me at the very end.


End file.
